Lexi left last friday at 3AM, and it was quick and painless. She got on a cab, said "this is it" and went to the airport. All the while I could not feel but really numb on the inside.

Last time I started a blog it sounded something like this at the beginning. God knows these little diaries are bad. I made the mistake of reading Lexi's in the summer and she was really hurt. It was a really hard thing for her.

The last couple months have been of reconcilement. Of I love yous and I love you backs. She finally told me, "I wish I had not wasted so much time hurting you" a couple days before she was graduating and leaving.

All the while, I've been talking to vanessa, online, happy to find someone who is more and more like me, and something has grown on me. I am caught between loving two women! one that i barely know, and one that I know too well. In the end:
--Vanessa lies to me, and dates her good, level-headed friend Ted
--Lexi leaves, and probably will go back to her ex-ex-bf, before me,Ty

Out of all of this I'm getting two things:
1. The white man steals the women I love
2. There is no women out there who really wants to be loved, who really wants to take the risk to fall in love.

Is there anyone out there that is reallyreally a romantic? This blog is named Antigenically Distinct, for that reason; it's how I feel in the world, my feelings foreign to everyone else.

I want to hang out with Stephen and John, but I also need to spend time with my mom. Oh and I already started fighting with her again. I am off the amphetamines and it's making me sleep 18 hours a day and feeling depressed. I'm also depressed about Vanessa and Lexi...all of that unraveled about an hour ago and I felt like a fool for letting myself on the open with them both.

I'd finish this super-emo posting with "this is a sad day in my life"
but sincerely, this is nowhere near the saddest day in my life. Maybe that's why I feel like I can just brush this off and begin new life. In 9 days, adventure awaits me in Spain with Joe and Nate. I need to being a normal sleep cycle, get back on the meds and start reading all of the books I've wanted to read.

Women, who needs them?